I haven't used this space in quite a while now. It's been a mental struggle this summer to figure out whether I want to blog or not, and if so what the purpose of my blog will be? Part of the problem has been simply all the wonderful blogs I follow already. Sometimes I read their content and it resonates deep within me, leaving me feeling like I could never put my thoughts into words as beautifully as they do anyway, so what's the point? Other times the blogs I read leave my head full of so much learning and thought that I wonder if I can even come up with anything original anymore. The blogs I read each have their own unique voice. Some are beautiful storytellers who use lush poetry to bring me to tears; others research deeply and matter of factly write to inform and bring awareness; others have a mix of styles, but all have touched me and helped me grow into who I am today. So really the struggle for me this summer has been the question of what is my voice in this community? Do I have anything to offer here? What do I hope to gain from this space?
Finding a "voice" to write from sounds easy but I feel like for an introvert it becomes a more difficult task. It's finding that balance between being genuine and over-sharing. It's saying no to the temptation to be a chameleon and sound like someone else just to fit in. A lot of my mental struggle with this place has been just debating with myself... who do I sound like on my blog? How do I make sure that I am just being myself here? It actually has reminded me a lot of my struggle in college to find myself and stop making myself into the person I thought people wanted to be friends with. Once I settled into the realization that it was ok for me to be ME, I felt such freedom and that was when the true friendships deepened.
The other question I have been asking is what can I offer here? Obviously the point of a blog is that someone reads it. What insights, learning, or stories can I or should I share here? I've had so many ideas for a "theme" or general tone for this blog, but I have realized that I just can't pin it down that narrowly. I want to write about life, family, natural living, simple living, organizing, gardening... I don't want it to become a one-topic space. I'm not going to be strictly a how-to blog, or a garden blog, or a cloth diaper blog, or a parenting blog, though I will certainly write about those things. This blog is just going to be about life - the people I love and the things I enjoy.
So what do I want from this space? I need a space to think out loud, clear my head, organize my thoughts. I'm naturally introverted, so most often there are a myriad thoughts spinning around in my head that go unsaid and unwritten. I've been feeling lately like it would be healthy for me to take the time to think out loud here and open up a little; airing out some of the deeper ideas I have and being brave enough to say them out loud is not a strong suit of mine and would be good for me to develop. The other thing I want from this blog is that little extra push of accountability; that extra little incentive to follow through on my interests and passions, instead of being consumed with a new idea only to move on a few weeks later with no follow through.
So I'm going to just go with the flow and just be myself. I'm going to write about what I love, and use this place to push myself to grow, learn, and get things done.
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
A new beginning and a fresh start
It seems fitting that I restart this blog with the story of Ava's birth. She is after all, most of the reason that I gave up writing here for a while. My preggo tiredness didn't leave me with much energy to care about the garden or my blog. This year though I'm hoping to be more organized and more motivated. The garden is cleaned up and our seedlings are all planted in starter trays and I am ready for a fresh start. So with no further ado, here is Ava Josephine's birth story.
My labor with Ava was long, difficult, and not quite as I had planned. It began at midnight on a Wednesday right as we were heading to bed. I never really had a slow start with contractions. They started off close together and stayed that way most of the labor. I labored with Ben's help all night, and our doula came in the morning to our house. We continued just taking them one at a time and worked through the day until about 6 pm when our doula thought that I was getting close to transition. My contractions were almost on top of each other at that point, coming every two minutes and lasting for a minute and a half each! We headed to the hospital and after we got all checked into our room a nurse checked my dilation and we discovered that I was only at 3 cm. I was disappointed, but I was determined to keep going without pain meds. Ben and our doula were so fantastic and helped me focus on working through each contraction.
A few hours later I was still only at a 4 and we got more bad news: I was positive for Group B and no one had noticed it in my records until right then. We had to quickly decide if we wanted the antibiotic IV and then it took three nurses and five different veins before they got me all hooked up to it. When they checked me just after midnight and I was still at 5 cm, I knew I needed some help. I had been at it for 24 hours so far and been awake for 42 hours, and I knew that I needed to sleep and get some energy back so that I could still push her out! They had the epidural in by 1 am and we all settled in to get some sleep.
I woke up around 4 am and a nurse checked me and found that I was at a 6. The doctor on call told us that she wanted to either break my water or start Pitocin, but I was still hoping to avoid any further interventions. We told them that we would prefer to wait a bit longer, so we were told that they would come back at 6 am to check on me and then would want to start some interventions. One of our dear friends from church was praying in the hallway for us, so I asked our doula to go get her so that we could pray for things to start moving. Ben, our doula, and our friend all gathered around to pray that God would bring our baby out in His timing, and then we settled back in to sleep, pray, and wait.
What an answer to prayer we got! No one bothered us again until 8 am and when they did finally come in to check me, I was at 9.5 cm! My OB was there since I was now laboring during business hours, and at 9:45 am she was ready to have me push. My water broke on its own during my first few pushes, and after that my body took over. Ava was turned sunny-side up, which we think is why she was taking so long, and so my OB had me try some different positions to get her to rotate. They finally worked and through back labor and feeling everything despite my epidural, Ava was born at 11:56 am on a Friday after two hours of pushing and a total of 36 hours of labor! She was 9 pounds even, and 21 inches long. She was limp when she came out and had swallowed some meconium, but after a little bit of the doctors working on her she was all cleared out and had a good loud cry going on. She has been a champion nurser from the start and such a strong girl, able to hold her head up on her own since birth.
Learning to do this whole Mom thing has been awesome, challenging, exhausting, and a huge blessing. Even though the birth didn't go how I had planned, I don't regret anything. We have our girl here now and that's all that matters.
My labor with Ava was long, difficult, and not quite as I had planned. It began at midnight on a Wednesday right as we were heading to bed. I never really had a slow start with contractions. They started off close together and stayed that way most of the labor. I labored with Ben's help all night, and our doula came in the morning to our house. We continued just taking them one at a time and worked through the day until about 6 pm when our doula thought that I was getting close to transition. My contractions were almost on top of each other at that point, coming every two minutes and lasting for a minute and a half each! We headed to the hospital and after we got all checked into our room a nurse checked my dilation and we discovered that I was only at 3 cm. I was disappointed, but I was determined to keep going without pain meds. Ben and our doula were so fantastic and helped me focus on working through each contraction.
A few hours later I was still only at a 4 and we got more bad news: I was positive for Group B and no one had noticed it in my records until right then. We had to quickly decide if we wanted the antibiotic IV and then it took three nurses and five different veins before they got me all hooked up to it. When they checked me just after midnight and I was still at 5 cm, I knew I needed some help. I had been at it for 24 hours so far and been awake for 42 hours, and I knew that I needed to sleep and get some energy back so that I could still push her out! They had the epidural in by 1 am and we all settled in to get some sleep.
I woke up around 4 am and a nurse checked me and found that I was at a 6. The doctor on call told us that she wanted to either break my water or start Pitocin, but I was still hoping to avoid any further interventions. We told them that we would prefer to wait a bit longer, so we were told that they would come back at 6 am to check on me and then would want to start some interventions. One of our dear friends from church was praying in the hallway for us, so I asked our doula to go get her so that we could pray for things to start moving. Ben, our doula, and our friend all gathered around to pray that God would bring our baby out in His timing, and then we settled back in to sleep, pray, and wait.
What an answer to prayer we got! No one bothered us again until 8 am and when they did finally come in to check me, I was at 9.5 cm! My OB was there since I was now laboring during business hours, and at 9:45 am she was ready to have me push. My water broke on its own during my first few pushes, and after that my body took over. Ava was turned sunny-side up, which we think is why she was taking so long, and so my OB had me try some different positions to get her to rotate. They finally worked and through back labor and feeling everything despite my epidural, Ava was born at 11:56 am on a Friday after two hours of pushing and a total of 36 hours of labor! She was 9 pounds even, and 21 inches long. She was limp when she came out and had swallowed some meconium, but after a little bit of the doctors working on her she was all cleared out and had a good loud cry going on. She has been a champion nurser from the start and such a strong girl, able to hold her head up on her own since birth.
Learning to do this whole Mom thing has been awesome, challenging, exhausting, and a huge blessing. Even though the birth didn't go how I had planned, I don't regret anything. We have our girl here now and that's all that matters.
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