On living wholly, with no regrets

I dreamt last night that we bumped into each other somewhere and decided to grab a cup of coffee and catch up. The dream skipped a bit, as dreams do, and he was offering me a choice. A chance at something he wished we would've had. The dream became rather out-of-body then: I could see my dream self sitting there, but I was somehow separate, able to analyze the events unfolding. He took her hand and insisted he would leave it all for her this time. My dream self shook her head, swelling with pity for him as he tried to reclaim memories and make them reality. As I watched, I thought about all that would crumble if my dream self accepted the offer, all the sadness and hurt it would cause. I thought about the beautiful life I've been given and how I wouldn't go back in time to change any of it. My dream self gave his hand a squeeze as he sat there with drooping shoulders, and then the dream got foggy and began to dissipate like a mist.

I rolled over in bed and was greeted with "mama!" and a toothy grin. Ava scooted over to me and with a loud "mmmaahh!" planted one of her sloppy open mouth kisses on my cheek. I pulled her in close for a hug and a tickle and sighed with happiness. I love the family God has blessed me with. Yesterday was Mother's Day and though we certainly had our share of toddler tantrums to deal with, Ava seemed to have an extra dose of cute and kisses and hugs for mama throughout the day. And after I put her down to sleep for the night I came downstairs to find that Ben had made me chocolate chip cookies and had a plate of cookies and milk waiting for me.

As I lay in bed this morning cuddling with my girl, I had such a peace on my heart. I feel like my goal to live wholly this year has already brought fruit. I am so thankful for the man I am married to and for the ways that God has aligned us. From parenting to politics to homesteading to religion, we have grown up and learned so much together and are strong in our united beliefs.

I don't always feel Grown Up. It's such a strange elusive milestone. I felt sure years ago that when I got married I would be a Grown Up, but then I did and I was still just me. Then I felt sure that when I had my first child I would be a Grown Up, but then I did and I was still just me. But something this morning made me feel Grown Up. That knowing deep inside that I am exactly where I should be and have exactly the family I should have. That is giving me the strength to know today that I am a strong, confident woman who is exactly where God wants her to be. I am wholeheartedly living my life with no regrets.

I'm linking up with the One Word 365 community via Only a Breath this month!
I'm also linking up with Ashleigh Baker and her Simple Story link up. I love that she has started a movement back toward just telling stories on our blogs with less worry about pinnable content.

One Word 2013: Wholly

I first read about One Word at the beginning of 2012 and tucked it in the back of my mind as something to think about doing for 2013. As the new year approached this winter I started seeing One Word mentions everywhere, and I'm so grateful for the reminders from all corners of the blogosphere! I started asking God what my word should be during the Christmas season, and the one He brought me to kind of surprised me. I think that it's going to be just what I need for this year, though!

When I first thought about the word Wholly, the words entirely and fully came to mind. I often struggle to be entirely and fully present with where I am and what I'm doing. It's easy to dwell on the past or future and completely forget to be in the present. As I looked up other definitions for Wholly I found that it has a much deeper meaning than I realized, and really will be a good challenge to grow this year. Some of the other definitions I found are: entirely, the whole amount, involving all, complete, undivided, not broken. Not only that, but the word Wholly is used in the Bible to describe sacrifices to God and those who love Him being wholly devoted to Him. 

So I feel like God is calling me to be whole this year: wholly present with my family, putting my whole self into the things He is calling me to, and following His leading to become a more whole, complete person. Whether it's being a wife and mama, tending a garden, raising chickens, menu planning, budgeting wisely, or seeking God, I'm feeling called to be dedicated wholly to whatever I set my hands to.